ROSA - about the lyrics

Making my way through the "Look Up Now EP"...

"Rosa" is a song about leaving. The character - Rosa - is the personification of the city in which I live - and often a reference to the community I have here. At the time I wrote it, its meaning was more abstract for me. On its second way around (almost exactly a year later), I examine it in a much more literal sense, as I prepare to move to San Francisco. Music is so badass in the way that it puts a soundtrack to our moments - even as circumstances change, the meaning is still fitting. (I'm stating that last part with humility - it's certainly not just my music, but the fantastic malleability of music in general.) I'll share the lyrics and then elaborate on its many applications.

ROSA

I packed up all my things, took all my chance and integrity -

no way to predict near future, no one along to keep me company.

Too long a drive to hold my breath the entire time -

a few sweet gasps, I freed myself, bound for another life.

*Rosa, you've become the one, to hold my gaze a little too long

My days, my ways - a little too safe -

my heart has settled, hairs have grayed

(And the though I love you just as much,

the world is calling me to touch outside your walls,

the strains and falls that cause another layer to form.)*

Will the next thing - next phase - look anything the same?

Will I drink from a similar stream or get caught up in the wrong scene?

Webs to ravel, seeds to sow - will the intuition flow?

Will I stop referring to you to you as home?

The original intent of the song - it served two purposes: My good friend Selena was moving away from Santa Rosa a year ago. I spent much time with her during her process and final decision to leave. During this same time, I was struggling with a relationship and the final decision to leave it.

Our commonalities - the comfort. The safety of a situation we knew - that knew us. There are, however, in this reliability - ghosts of what-ifs that plant seeds in the back of our minds; Is this the me that I want to know? Am I solidifying before I really have been shaped the way I want to be?

When we build relationships with a community - it gets difficult to tell if our dynamics with them are supporting or hindering us. When we get so close - how do we maintain our personal identity and accountability? Sometimes we have to separate from what we are tied to in order to determine what defines us.

This process of disconnection has the risk of leaving us less fulfilled as well - the last verse of the song entertains the idea that it might just be left with our own deficits once we go. Our own issues will follow us to the next phase... the next relationship, the next city. We may subject ourselves to trials of relationship and lifestyle that leave us worse off. It's part of the romance, that risk.

I think this present society lacks good facilitation of rights of passage. That's not to say we aren't experiencing things that are changing us and making us grow - but not always by choice. When things happen to us - we don't always assume the role from its consequences. There is something powerful about willingly going through change. It finalizes a responsibility for who we are once we have gone through it. Many of us create these self -induced metamorphoses... and I think for most of us this is inevitable - be it through conscious and diligent planning, or combustion and sabotage.

I have lived in Sonoma County for a almost a decade - and Santa Rosa for most of that time; This city and the community I have here have been incredible for fostering growth, success, and a good life. I know already that this place and the people will never be far from my attention and affection. San Francisco seemed a million miles away not long ago... and it certainly never seemed a place for me to live. I have always been one to play it safe - in location, action, and relationship. But suddenly - I'm in love with a new place, the hope to more fully realize some of my personal goals, and the opportunity to grow past my constraints and current ideals. Honestly, this past year is the first year that I have thrown myself so much into the unknown... its leaps worth their risk. I am doing my best to use both my heart and my head with this move - as not to destroy all of my identity, and certainly not my relationships. I'm sure to get some more songs out of the impending adventures - and I look forward to sharing them.